Hearts do not have grammars. ~ Srini

*********

1

Anuradha

Ever since the verb Love was coined, it has been defined in all possible ways known to the human brain, or perhaps the heart. And one such definition, the most clichéd one, is, ‘Love is blind’. But in Anuradha’s case it was not only blind, but deaf, dumb and also crippled.

Like most girls her age, she had nourished beautiful dreams about her dream boy, and when she met one, her happiness knew no bounds. Her friends were jealous of her, which made her haughty, happy. He was such a boy indeed; handsome, smart, scrupulously polite, and above all, caring. But little did she know then in the beginning of the relationship that her dream boy would become her nightmare.

Nothing happened in the first three years. Everything went smoothly, like it does in every relationship; Siddharth, coming from a wealthy background, bought her expensive presents, took her to movies and restaurants, and mainly, took care of her whenever she was depressed.

Being a motherless child, Anuradha had been brought up by her father, who was a farmer in a small village called Kalhalli, in Mysore district. Poverty being the sole reason, her childhood days were not carefree. But she was a prodigious child. She dropped out of school when she was seven years old in order to help her father, and started working as a maid in a Police Constable’s house. Her father, who grew wheat and paddy, and suffered losses all the time, could do nothing but shed tears in silence.

Two months later, the Police Constable and his wife urged her father to send her to school again. Realizing how smart the girl was, they offered to cover half of her school expenses. It was a big step for them too, as they were not well-off either. Her father’s ego wouldn’t allow him to accept it in the beginning. But a look at his daughter’s sad face made him say yes. It wasn’t an easy decision for him.

The girl started going to school again. Everyone believed that the girl’s happy days had begun; and they were right to a certain extent. Her nightmares were yet to start. And they didn’t know that.

Anuradha didn’t disappoint her father and guardians, and performed extremely well in her studies. She knew that her father would always be in Police Constable’s debt, which prompted her to work hard like never before, when she entered Pre University College. Nobody had any doubt left that she would get a free seat in one of the best Engineering colleges.

She had just written her last board exam when tragedy struck. The Police Constable and his wife, who had taken care of her like their own child, died in an accident. It was the biggest blow of her life – until then.

As her father had prophesied, she secured a free seat in Sri Jayachamarajendra College of Engineering, Mysore. It would have been easy if her guardians were alive, but now that they were not, her father found it difficult to arrange the money. He somehow managed it, but Anuradha knew in her heart of hearts that it would be impossible for him to arrange money for her second year. For the moment she tried to forget it and focus on her studies.

She was in her second semester when Siddharth came into her life. And the very first thing he said to her was, ‘I’m in love with you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you’. She was startled beyond means. She ignored him and moved on, thinking that it was just another rich guy’s game. Besides she knew her limitations. Though she had had her dreams and fantasies, her background didn’t allow her to explore them. And when it came to Siddharth, she was not interested in him anyway. Not yet.

Over the next few weeks Siddharth kept trying to woo her in all possible ways, but to no avail. She was a tough girl and would not give in easily. But one thing she noticed and also appreciated was that he never misbehaved with her; never crossed his limits. His attempts were always honest and funny. If she enjoyed the attention she was getting, she did not show it.

Unlike his other rich friends, Siddharth did not belong to ‘spoilt brat’ category. He was smart, well-behaved and good at studies. He partied when it was time to party and studied when it was time to study. And when it came to Anuradha, he was romantically attracted to her and ready to drop all the ‘rich boys’’ activities and spend all his time with her. Though his friends found her beautiful too, they were puzzled as to why Siddharth was after her. In their opinion, she was simply not his ‘type’.

2

Siddharth

One day when Anuradha was sitting alone in the library, unable to focus on her studies, Siddharth arrived and took a seat in front of her. She was two months away from finishing her second semester and the thought of not being able to continue her studies had already crept up in her mind. She looked up.

“Please leave me alone, Siddharth.”

“I know you are worried about something. Tell me what it is.”

“It is none of your business really,” she snapped.

“Of course it is, my dear. Look, listen,” Siddharth began, looking straight into her deep-set brown eyes, “I am in love with you, all right. I’ve confessed this a lot of times, directly and indirectly. I don’t know to say this in any other so-called romantic way. I don’t know all that lovey-dovey stuff. At the same time I also know that I can’t be hopeful about your saying yes. It is OK. I shall live with it. But whatever it is, please don’t be like this; sombre and melancholic. I can’t take it. I want you to be happy each and every second of your life.” He paused for a few seconds and continued, “Now, if you don’t want to say what it is that is worrying you, fine. I shall leave you alone. But do remember what I said, OK?”

Anuradha could not sleep that night. Between her financial condition and Siddharth’s feelings for her, she did not know what troubled her more. She was sure of one thing though: Siddharth’s feelings for her were genuine. And she was right.

Two days later, as Anuradha was walking towards her class, she saw Siddharth in the parking lot, standing with his friends. As usual he was waiting for her. Their eyes met and she smiled at him for the first time. She had given her answer. Siddharth was so happy he could only express it in one word, in the most unusual way possible to an unromantic person: “Oops.”

Days that followed were heaven for both of them. They realized with all of their hearts that they were meant for each other. Anuradha put aside her worries and lived the moment. In those blissful days Siddharth also became aware of her financial condition and his heart bled.

Days and weeks passed, and Anuradha’s worries returned. Siddharth never left her side during those tough moments. She never spoke a word about her troubles and he never asked or expected her to say anything. ‘I understand’ was his unspoken statement. Anuradha was a sensible girl, but sensible girls have mood swings too. And Siddharth, unlike most boys in a relationship, enjoyed her mood swings.

***

When the last exam of second semester was over and everyone was getting ready for the vacations, Anuradha was sitting alone in the canteen, worrying about her future. She knew she had to quit college. Several minutes later Siddharth arrived and took a seat in front of her.

“I am coming to meet your father,” he announced, making her jump.

“What?!”

“You heard me, love. I’m coming to meet your father.”

“But why?”

“You’ll know soon.”

“Please tell me you are joking,” she begged.

“Not at all. I am serious,” he said. When she opened her mouth to say something, he held up his hand and said with austerity, “Now let’s not argue. I am coming and that’s final. You will not stop me.”

Two days later Siddharth accompanied her to Kalhalli. Her father wasn’t home when they reached. He must be in the fields, she thought, as they waited. Half an hour later when her father arrived she hugged him and cried joyously. He cast a curious glance at Siddharth and led them inside.

The lunch was over, and so were the introductions. Anuradha’s father asked, “So why are you here?”

Siddharth didn’t hesitate. “I want to marry your daughter, sir,” he said, flatly.

Anuradha was dumbfounded. She could only stare at Siddharth in horror. He didn’t take his eyes off her father and waited for a reply. The elderly farmer, on the other hand, looked as calm as ever.

“Who did you say you were?”

He spoke at length. “I’m Siddharth, sir. Anuradha’s college mate. My parents passed away three years ago and I’m the only heir to all the property. I have enough wealth that would last for three generations. You might be thinking that I’m being presumptuous and pompous, but I assure you I am not. I don’t have any other way to say it. After my parents passed away, my only way to ease that loss was to spend money on unimportant things. I was irresponsible and impudent to the core. Until I met your daughter. I love her and she is the only person with whom I want to spend the rest of my life.”

Father and daughter were bemused. The discussion between Anuradha’s father and Siddharth went on for more than three hours. In the end Siddharth was successful in convincing Anuradha’s father that he would take good care of her. He didn’t forget to add that she didn’t have to quit college, as all the expenses were his responsibility. Also they would get married only after their graduation, which is after a minimum of three years.

Anuradha’s father was convinced that Siddharth was a good person, but giving consent to marriage was just too early. After a long debate with himself he agreed on only one thing, with a condition: Anuradha could continue her studies with Siddharth’s help, and marriage was possible only after she got a job and cleared the debt. Until then Siddharth was just a caretaker and friend. Nothing else.

Siddharth gladly agreed. Though the old man would not be there to keep an eye on them, he had immense faith in his daughter. For any father, getting his daughter married into a good family is a big thing. However, for a man like Anuradha’s father, it was the sole purpose of his life. He was happy, thinking that his daughter’s future days would be happy. He was mistaken.

***

Anuradha swam in bliss for the next two years. Siddharth was protective towards her, but never possessive. He was charming and funny, and made her laugh. Though he preferred to spend as much time with her as possible, he respected her privacy and knew when to leave her alone. He never smothered her.

Siddharth was not romantic in a conventional way and he never tried to be one. Anuradha didn’t complain. In fact she liked his ‘I-am-what-I-am’ attitude. They had fun, they studied well, her father was happy, they were happy, life was beautiful. And a beautiful song was being written.

It was towards the end of third year Engineering when Siddharth’s friends planned to go on a short trip. Being a boy who loved traveling and adventure, he was excited. That evening he took Anuradha to a café.

“When are you getting back?” Anuradha asked.

“Just two days, love. We’ll be leaving tomorrow before dawn,” he said, putting his arm around her shoulder.

“OK. Have fun. Take care.”

“If you don’t want me to go, I’ll cancel right away. Just say the word,” he teased.

“Ha. You can’t be romantic even if you try. Just go and enjoy, all right,” she said, punching his stomach, gently.

They spent the rest of the evening, laughing and cracking jokes and making fun of each other. Those were their last happy moments.

3

Kodachadri

About 140 kms from Shimoga, Karnataka, is place in the Western Ghats, situated at a height of 1343 meters above sea level. This picturesque hill, Kodachadri, attracts young and old alike throughout the year.

It is believed that Adi Shankaracharya meditated at this place about 600 years ago, and Goddess Mookambika came from Chitramoola, which is three kilometers below the summit (the path that leads to it is almost vertical), and followed the sage. She then prompted him to establish a temple in Kollur; since not everybody can climb up to visit the moola-sthana of the Goddess.

But 90% of the people that visit Kodachadri are attracted to the nature surrounding the place. Clothed in lush, dense Shola forests, it offers a unique trekking experience. Those who trek there will realize what ‘living on the edge’ literally means. The temptation to tread through the jungle is irresistible for those who have adventure in their blood. And Siddharth was one of those adventure enthusiasts.

13 kilometers short of Kollur, on the left side, is a small, lonely path that leads into the jungle. It is a ‘blink and you miss’ path. Throughout the journey Siddharth and his three friends were standing on the footsteps of the bus, their eyes searching for that particular spot to get down. As the bus passed in front of it, one of the boys cried, ‘Stop’. The driver brought the bus to a halt. A few passengers eyed the boys, inquisitively. They got off the bus and swept the surrounding area with their eyes. Not a sound, not a soul. The four boys stood facing the jungle. The muddy red path in front of them, which looked like a tongue of a green demon, stretched straight for a few yards into the jungle, then turned right and disappeared. It was June and the monsoons had just begun. The jungle looked like a seductress, and the boys were ready to explore her.

The driver shifted gear and drove on, towards Kollur. It was four o’clock in the evening and the young trekkers took their first steps into the jungle. They had to get to the top before sundown. Distance: 10 kms. Time: 2 hours.

As they walked on, they felt as though they were taking a stroll in paradise. The cold breeze, the mist, the greenery all around, the rustling sound of leaves, the ‘krruck krruck’ that their shoes made – all accentuated by adrenaline rush made it a breathtaking experience.

The only proof that civilization existed was a small shop that sold Soda, Buttermilk, Glucose and a few other eatables. They had covered four kilometers. When everybody was resting and drinking buttermilk and soda, Siddharth was busy taking pictures. And when the shopkeeper told them that covering the first four kilometers was easy and the real challenge lay ahead, they became alert. They looked at each other, communicating nonverbally, and decided to walk fast, as getting to the top before sundown was extremely important.

There were two reasons for that. One, if they got stuck in the jungle at night, there would be no way to continue their journey. And getting stuck in the jungle at night is no joke. Apart from the presence of a few wild animals and snakes, the hill is very steep. If it’s the dense forest on one side, it’s a bottomless nothingness on the other. Also, the possibility of rain is always there. Cold, rain, eerie silence, zero visibility – all enough to scare anyone. It was a kind of place, where, should somebody come without informing anyone and slip, he would go into the ‘missing’ files, and remains missing forever; as the body would never be found.

And two, they didn’t want to miss the sunset, which has the reputation of being one of the most splendid sights on earth. The time was now four forty-five. They walked on.

Covering another six kilometers in one hour was no big deal for the young lads. It was fun; they shouted and screamed, clapped and sang, cracked jokes and laughed, threw banters at each other and posed and photographed. Covering the last two kilometers was the toughest, as the path was almost vertical, maximum 30 degrees bent. All their jollification came to a halt. The time was five thirty.

The weather was cloudy and they wondered whether they would be lucky enough to witness the sunset. Then again, sunset came second in their list of priorities. Nobody spoke as they climbed on, panting and breathing heavily, one behind another; as the narrow path would permit only one person to tread at a time.

It was five minutes short of six when they finally made it. They tried to hoot, but could only manage a dull whistle. On the left side of the last step there is a water pipe, where natural groundwater flows continuously, every minute of the day, every day of the year. No attempt has been made to store and use it effectively. The boys washed their faces and hands, and drank copious amounts of water, one after the other. When their energy levels had been restored they let out a loud raucous cry of excitement. And it was only when they high-fived did they realize that a pair of hands was missing.

***

Sundown. The inside of the forest looked like it had sucked in all the light of the world and converted it into a dead, ominous darkness. The silence was so grave that every little sound was clearly audible. In spite of Kodachadri being a reputed pilgrimage and a trekking spot, it is devoid of electricity to this day. The people that reside there have got acclimatized to candles. The houses are as old as hundred years. One of the houses’ backyards is such that if one took a walk in the middle of night, sleepy-eyed, to use the bathroom and took one unnecessary extra step, he would never see a sunrise again and his family would never see him again.

Siddharth widened his eyes and tried to catch a glimpse of some tiny yellow dot in the distance, but to no avail. It was his only hope, and his only hope was now blighted. He looked up. Leaves and branches that looked beautiful during daytime, dipped in mist, now looked baleful, dabbed with starlight. He took two careful steps to his right and looked up again. The clouds had moved and he saw a canopy of fiery stars sprayed against the dark sky. He could not figure out whether the stars were twinkling, or mocking at his stupidity.

It had been entirely his mistake. When his friends climbed continuously, he halted every now and then to take pictures. Although he never let them out of his sight, he lagged behind. He lost them completely when the paths diverged. They took the one on the left, whereas he took the one on the right. They were nowhere to be seen by then. But he was quite confident that he could catch up with them. It was too late when he realized that the path he had taken was the wrong one. It was already dark when he started to climb down. He tried to find his way up, but the darkness wouldn’t let him. It was impossible to take a step forward. He stood still and considered the position he was in. No torch, no water in the bottle, no matchstick or lighter, no mobile network. Alone. Thirsty. Hungry. Lost.

He stood there in silence for few more minutes, not knowing what to do. And then it struck him: he could use the light of his mobile phone. It also had a torch. He slapped his forehead for not thinking about it earlier and pulled out his phone from his trouser pocket. He switched on the torch. There was sufficient light now. He smiled and began to tread again.

If one is not used to it, Kodachadri’s cold could be unbearable in the monsoons. He shivered. He knew if he just kept climbing, the body got heated up and the journey would become easier. He continued climbing.

But no sooner had he covered a distance of fifty meters than it started raining. He took another few steps, slipped and fell; rolled down and hit his head against a tree. He lay there for a while and managed to lift himself up. His mobile phone was nowhere to be seen. Darkness had reigned supreme again.

His head still hurt and he felt slightly dizzy and disoriented. Having nothing else to do, he slumped down and sat with his back against the tree. It was hardly seven thirty and it was going to be a long night, he knew.

He opened his backpack and rummaged through its contents. A few seconds later he found what he was looking for: an energy bar he had saved for the next day. He wouldn’t have eaten it if it wasn’t raining. The problem of not having water was solved. But then again it wasn’t the only problem he had. He had about eleven hours before sunup. And spending eleven hours alone in a dense forest is no joke, and he knew it. The time stood still.

He widened his eyes and tried to get accustomed to the darkness. A few minutes later the rain stopped. All he could hear was the ‘tup tup’ of rain drops and all he could see was the dark expanse of the forest. The cold, brutal breeze was piercing through his skin. He zipped up his jacket, folded his arms, drew his knees to his chest and kept himself as warm as possible. And then he slowly drifted off to sleep.

Nothing happened for the next few hours as he slept blissfully. Somewhere in the middle of night his sleep was disturbed by an ant-bite on his neck. He wriggled, scratched his neck, and when he was just about to fall asleep again, he heard it.

***

They were distraught. Though they were all famished, they could not eat anything. The thought of their friend being stuck in the jungle scared them. Their imagination was running wild. If the thought of Siddharth falling off the cliff had crept up in their mind, they didn’t dare mention it. When they had tried to get the help of village people, they only got pity, but not help. Going down the path all by themselves was out of question. Having nothing else to do, they decided to wait till morning. If he didn’t show up then, they would call the police.

***

It didn’t bother him much the first time, but when he heard it for the second time a few seconds later, it shook him out of his senses. He slowly got up and looked around. Nothing. He stood there for the next two minutes, without moving a muscle. Still nothing. He was about to sit down when he heard it again. He didn’t recognize it, for he had never heard such a sound before. It wasn’t the sound of footsteps, it wasn’t the sound of an animal, it wasn’t the sound of a bird, it wasn’t the sound of rustling of leaves, he knew. He also knew that the greatest fear known to mankind was the fear of unknown. And it was the sound of the unknown.

He heard it again. It was a sound of sawing wood, of metals clinking, of a tiny bit of music being played on a defected gramophone, of women and children shrieking, of teeth chattering, of a snake hissing, of a dog howling, of an owl hooting, of a tiger roaring, of a siren – all mixed together. But then if anyone had asked him as to what sound it was, he would not have been able to tell. It was indescribable. Every time it came from a different direction, sporadically, and sustained for about ten seconds. It took some time for Siddharth to realize that it was slowly surrounding him. If it came from north once, the next time it would be from east, then south, and finally west. He started shivering as beads of sweat formed on his forehead.

Seconds later Siddharth felt that the sound was approaching him from all directions. Instinctively, he reached for his backpack and took out his Nikon D3000; an expensive, high-resolution camera. He opened the lens-cap, switched it on and enabled ‘always flash’. Whatever it is or whoever it is, I’m not going to die without seeing it, he said to himself, determinedly. He skimmed the sweat off his face with his jacket sleeve and stood his ground, waiting.

As the sound advanced towards him, he pressed the shutter button, pointing the lens at a random direction. The flash was bright, but when he took a quick glance at the 3-inch LCD screen, he saw absolutely nothing. He didn’t falter. He started clicking, rapidly, pointing at every direction. The sound was louder now and he realized that it was just a few yards away from him. He kept clicking. A few seconds later when the sound was in his nearest vicinity, he pressed the shutter button – for the last time. And in that bright flash of light, he saw it, convulsed and froze.

The sound stopped with a ‘whack’ after encapsulating him. The surrounding area grew silent again. Siddharth, holding the camera in his hand, stood like a rock, looking at nothing specific. Three kilometers up and away, his friends had not been able to sleep. When one of them checked the time, it was exactly 2 am.

About 400 kms away, a girl, who was unable to sleep, picked up her phone and dialed a number. Two kilometers short of Kodachadri village, on the edge of a hill, a cell-phone rang. The display said, “Love calling”. No one picked up. When it rang for the second time, it moved a little, as it was in vibration mode, and fell off the edge. It would never ring again.

***

When the sun rose at six in the morning, Siddharth was still standing in the same position, with the camera in his hand. He had not moved an inch. His eyes had not blinked a single time. The battery of his camera was dead. The LCD screen was blank.

All of a sudden, as if waking up from a deep slumber, he yawned, rubbed his eyes, kept the camera back in his backpack, and started walking towards the village of Kodachadri.

***

His friends were ecstatic when they saw Siddharth. He didn’t react. He didn’t respond to their queries. When he did it was in a word or two. When one of his friends found dried blood near his left ear and brought his hand near it to see it properly, Siddharth said just one word: “Don’t”. There was venom in his voice. It was a voice his friends had never heard before. They were all puzzled.

When he was asked about his camera, he said that it was dead. They didn’t know what to make of it. Was the battery dead, or was the camera damaged? They didn’t probe. They thought that he was angry with them for leaving him behind. Though they knew that it was not their fault, they felt guilty.

Siddharth was the cynosure of all eyes in the little village. The temple priest was so dumbstruck; he performed pooja in his name without taking any money. It is nothing but Goddess Mookambika’s miracle, he said to everyone.

Siddharth neither took bath nor had breakfast. He didn’t even wash his face and hands. More than everything else, what surprised everyone was that he never asked for water. Without saying anything he started walking towards the summit, which was two kilometers up. His friends looked at each other, shrugged and followed suit.

He climbed so fast his friends found it difficult to catch up with him. He was in front of Adi Shankaracharya’s temple within fifteen minutes. When his friends reached the spot ten minutes later, he was nowhere to be seen. They knew where he was: on the way to Chitramoola, two kilometers below the summit. The precarious path that leads to it is behind the summit on the western side. They didn’t follow him.

The path that leads to Chitramoola is narrower and steeper than the paths that lead to Kodachadri village and Adi Shankaracharya’s temple. Siddharth moved dangerously fast and covered half the distance in ten minutes. He came and stood at the edge of the cliff. The only way was on the left side. He saw a white cloth, fluttering, about a kilometer away. He started walking. Five minutes later he was climbing a ladder to a cave, which is perched midway in the rock.

There is a small, black Shiva Lingam, enwrapped by a rock, forming a tiny cave, thereby protecting it from sun, cold and rain. The roof is extended by about five feet, horizontally. On the left side of Shiva Lingam flows a stream of water from the rock. Chitra-moola. There is a famous saying in Kannada that the sources (moolas) of Rivers, Rishis (Seers) and Women are impossible to trace. But it is found false in Chitramoola’s case, for it is the source, the birth place of Souparnika River.

Siddharth climbed up the ladder, turned round and sat in the cave, cross-legged, facing the impenetrable forest of Ambavanam. The Goddess Mookambika’s temple of Kollur is visible from Chitramoola. But he didn’t notice it, as it didn’t matter to him.

Several minutes later, he climbed down and started back. At a certain point in the journey, he tripped and fell on the ground. He got up, removed his shoes and socks, threw them off the cliff, and started walking barefoot. Ten minutes later when his friends met him at the summit and asked him about his shoes, he just stared at them.

They found a deviation on the way down. ‘Way to Ganesha Guha’ said a board and pointed left. Siddharth walked past the cave without stopping. Two of his friends stopped at the cave, offered a small prayer to Lord Ganesha, whose idol is carved in a black stone, and hurried to catch up with their friends. They traversed through the forest and reached the temple complex of Kodachadri village in ten minutes. It was nine o’clock in the morning.

Siddharth’s friends paid for their accommodation and hailed a jeep to climb down. One and a half hours later they reached the bottom of the hill, took a bus to Sampekatte, then from Sampekatte to Kollur, and finally from Kollur to Mysore.

Throughout the journey Siddharth didn’t speak a word. His friends failed to interpret his silence. They finally convinced themselves that he would be all right once he was back in Mysore. But that would not happen. He was a changed man and they didn’t know it.

4

After Effects

Anuradha’s calls were not answered. In the beginning she thought that they had not returned. But when she saw one of his friends in college, she was surprised. Under normal circumstances Siddharth would have contacted her first. No such thing happened this time. She caught hold of the boy and asked, “When did you all get back, Darshan?”

“Yesterday,” he answered, meekly.

“Something is wrong, isn’t it?”

“No. Nothing is wrong. Why?”

“Siddharth has not contacted me. My calls are not getting through. Tell me, what is the matter,” she demanded.

“Oh, that? He lost his cell-phone in Kodachadri. Nothing serious. He is a bit tired. He must be taking rest. After all, we trekked twenty kilometers, up and down,” said Darshan, and managed a smile.

Anuradha didn’t believe him.

“OK,” said he, “I’m getting late for class,” and scuttled away.

That evening Anuradha paid a visit to Siddharth’s house. His housekeeper answered the door. As usual, his uncle, who managed the business, was at his office. When she inquired the housekeeper about Siddharth, he said he was in his room. She was well acquainted with the housekeeper and Siddharth’s uncle. She smiled at him and walked towards his bedroom.

He was lying on his bed, with his eyes open, staring at the ceiling. “Hi, Siddu,” she said.

He slowly craned his neck to see her. He didn’t show any excitement at the sight of her. She was surprised. She smiled and approached his cot. He kept staring at her. She drew a chair and sat next to his cot. “How are you” she asked, ruffling his hair.

When he didn’t respond, she continued, “I tried to reach you on your cell-phone a million times, you know. I didn’t even know you’d returned until I saw Darshan in college today. He said you’d lost your cell-phone. So I came to see you.”

Siddharth got up and sat with his back against the wall and continued to stare at her. Anuradha couldn’t interpret anything. A few seconds later he asked, “Why?”

“What do you mean why? I was worried about you. You didn’t call after getting back. I thought you were sick or something.”

“You expect me to report everything to you? When I got back, what I did there, what I’ll do next? Huh?” his voice kept rising with every word. It was the first time he had yelled at her.

Anuradha was flummoxed. “What’s wrong with you, Siddu? I said I was worried about you. All your friends were at college today, except you. Why are you yelling at me like that?”

“I don’t have to answer your every question, understand. Now get out.”

Tears had already welled up in her eyes. “What’s wrong with you?” she mumbled as she got up and wended her way out.

Siddharth lay on his back again and continued to stare at the ceiling.

***

Exams were nearing and Anuradha couldn’t focus on her studies. Siddharth hadn’t called her after their last conversation at his place. Siddharth’s friends tried to keep in touch with him, but to no avail. He wrote four out of six exams. Anuradha knew she would only barely pass this time. Expecting a distinction was out of question.

When she was packing her bags after her last exam, she got a call from Siddharth.

“I’m sorry,” he said the moment the phone was picked up.

She didn’t respond.

“I really am sorry, Anu. Can you meet me now?”

“OK,” she said.

“Fantastic. I’ll come and pick you up in a while,” he said and hung up.

They met at their regular place, a café near college. Anuradha was still hurt over their last meeting.

“I wasn’t in the right state of mind, Anu. I’m sorry again,” he pleaded.

It took him nearly half an hour to make her smile. Then he vividly narrated his trekking experience. Only the first part. She didn’t probe further. Even if she had, he wouldn’t have been able to tell her.

They sat there for another two hours, talking and laughing. Anuradha was happy that Siddharth was all right. Whatever it was that made him behave rudely a few weeks earlier, she never found out the exact reason. And she never would.

Everything was fine until the waiter came with the bill. There was a small error in the billing. They hadn’t ordered cheese cake, but it was billed. Siddharth stood up and slapped the waiter hard across his face. For the next five minutes he hurled abuses, directed at the waiter and his family members. Everyone in the café looked at Siddharth with distaste. Anuradha was shocked. The ever polite, decent and respectable gentleman in Siddharth she once knew was gone.

***

Anuradha spent her vacation in her village, thinking about Siddharth’s changed persona. When her father asked her what it was, she replied that her exams had not gone well. She had already been placed in an IT company through campus interview, and hence her father didn’t complain much. “Do well next time,” was all he said.

She returned to Mysore when the final year started. She met Siddharth and they had a nice time together. Nothing unusual. But one day, on her birthday, when they were dining in a restaurant, Anuradha’s classmate Anil, who was also dining with his friend, saw her and approached her. “Happy Birthday, Anuradha,” he said.

“Anil! What a pleasant surprise! Thank you so much,” she said, shaking his hand.

“I was with a friend. I hadn’t come to college today, so couldn’t wish you earlier. Now when I saw you, I didn’t want to lose the opportunity of wishing you.”

“That’s very sweet of you, Anil. Thanks again.”

When the boy was gone, Siddharth said, “You are sleeping with him.”

It wasn’t a question. Anuradha was shell-shocked. “What?” she almost shouted. A few people that were dining cast curious glances at them.

“You heard me, Bitch. You are sleeping with him. I know it very well,” he yelled at the top of his voice.

Now they had the attention of almost everybody in the restaurant. The ones that were nearby heard every word clearly. Anuradha wasn’t bothered about them. She had better things to worry.

“How could you say that, Siddu? He’s just a classmate. I don’t even know him well. And you called me a Bitch? What has come onto you?” Tears were already rolling down her cheeks.

She couldn’t stay there any longer. She picked up her purse and stormed out of the restaurant, without even waiting for his reply.

***

If it was the beginning of a relationship, Anuradha would have come out of it without caring much. But it was not the case. She was madly in love with him.

Two days later they reconciled. But she wanted to find out what was wrong with him. She met Darshan again.

“Tell me what happened in Kodachadri? Now don’t lie to me. He is behaving weirdly ever since he came back.”

Darshan knew it was impossible to lie to her. He told her about Siddharth spending the night in the jungle alone.

“I thought he would tell you about it himself.”

She was appalled.

“He never told me any of this,” she said to herself. She paused and continued a minute later, “But what’s it got to do with the way he is behaving?”

“I don’t know. Nobody knows. None of us know what happened to him in the forest that night. He never told us. His behavior was just not normal after he made it out of the forest. Initially we all thought he was just angry with us for leaving him behind. And then when he continued behaving in the same way, we thought maybe it was due to shock or something. Now it’s been weeks since that fateful night and he still hasn’t come out of it.”

“I am scared for him, Darshan,” Anuradha said, sobbing.

“I know. We all are,” he tried to console her.

They stood in silence for a few more minutes. “All right. You take care, OK? Everything will be all right,” He said and turned to go. And then he remembered something and faced her again, “You know, a crazy thing happened a few weeks back. It had been four days since we retuned from the trip. He had neither called us nor attended classes. So I’d been to his house to meet him. He behaved normally in the beginning. As I was about to leave, my eyes fell on his camera, which was on his table. As you know he has a passion for photography and he was the one who took pictures all the time. College functions, parties, trips, you name it and he was always ready with his camera. It was the same this time too. But he never showed us a single photograph. I thought I’d see some photos and approached the table. I don’t know what happened to him suddenly, he came rushing towards me and punched me in the stomach and said, ‘Don’t ever try to touch my camera again.’ I was aghast. It hadn’t happened before. In fact I’d borrowed his camera on many occasions.” He mulled over it for a few seconds and continued, “I think there are some pictures in it that he doesn’t want anyone to see. Maybe if you can get hold of his camera or search his computer you might find something.”

Anuradha didn’t respond. All these were new developments for her. Darshan said bye and took her leave. She returned to her hostel with a disturbed mind.

***

Anuradha waited for the right time and when she found one, she asked Siddharth about the photos of Kodachadri. He lied, easily, “I lost my camera last week.” She never asked about it again.

As the days passed, Siddharth’s condition worsened. His friends deserted him. He was thrown out of class every now and then, for misbehaving with his professors. He sometimes threw paper-balls at them, sometimes used foul language in the open class. A few girls, who were attracted to him before, now complained to Head of the Department that he behaved badly with them. The only reason he was not punished was the hefty donation his uncle had given to the college.

He called up Anuradha one day and asked her to meet him at his place, urgently. When she came over, he asked her to kiss him, without any preamble.

“Wh…what?” she was flabbergasted.

“You heard me, love. Kiss me.”

When she didn’t, he slapped her. She widened her eyes in repulsion. She couldn’t bring herself to say anything, for shock had held her incapacitated.

If he had subtly, lovingly hinted at it, perhaps she would have given in and enjoyed. She would not have complained. But he had treated her like a slave.

“You cunning, Bitch. What do you think of yourself? I am your fiancé. I took care of you. Now when I ask a little thing in return, you do drama?”

“I have to go,” she said.

“Listen to me and listen very carefully. Don’t ever think of leaving me. Don’t ever think of sleeping with somebody else. Am I not good for you?”

When she didn’t respond, he slapped her again. She ran out, crying her eyes out.

***

Nothing changed over the next few months. Hitting Anuradha became routine; every time she didn’t answer his phone call, every time she didn’t respond to his messages, every time she said ‘no’ to go out with him, every time he saw her talking to some other boy. But the very next day he would be at her hostel gate with a bunch of flowers or a box of chocolates in his hands. She endured all the pain. Her friends advised her to leave him, they advised her to lodge a complaint in the police station, but she never gave heed to any of them. She had her own argument, “He took care of me when I was depressed, I’d not have continued my studies if not for him, he loved me, he still loves me, I know, and now when he is going through some problems of his own, I can’t desert him when all his friends have. He needs me. I’m sure he’s going to be all right.”

She was in his debt, she was in love.

Final year got over and she had managed to retain a respectable aggregate. She soon started working in a top IT company. When she got her first salary, she decided to give half of it to Siddharth, as per the unwritten agreement between him and her father.

“What, you don’t have any respect for me? I don’t want your money, damn it. Don’t ever insult me like that again,” he yelled, pushing her on the sofa.

“But –,” she was cut in.

“Forget about it, will you? Now let’s celebrate on your first salary,” he said, grinning.

She smiled. But it vanished when he said, “All right, baby. Get undressed. I’ve waited long enough.”

He went inside and returned a minute later with a beer can in his hand.

“You haven’t undressed yet? OK, you want me to do it? Fine,” he said, kept the can aside, pounced on her and started running his tongue over her face and neck.

She felt disgusted and pushed him away. Siddharth’s temper shot up and when he lifted his hand to hit her, she took a few steps back and said, “Listen to me, Siddu. I want to say something important. Do whatever you want after that.”

“What is it?” he asked, glaring at her.

It was going to be the most important decision of her life. She took a deep breath and started, “I love you, Siddu. I love you so much. You know that, don’t you? You too love me, don’t you? I have come to a decision. Maybe our bad times will come to an end after that. There is no point in waiting.”

He knitted his brows, as if asking her to go on.

“Let’s get married,” she said.

His lips broke into a smile when he heard it. “I love you,” he said and hugged her.

5

Prey

Everybody called her an irrational fool, but it didn’t matter to her. Though her father was surprised at her sudden decision, he was only happy in the end. He was oblivious of the latest developments. All her old man knew now was that she had successfully finished her graduation, had a job, and had a wonderful person to take care of her. He had only one final wish: to see his daughter in her wedding dress.

Anuradha had not told him anything. When she had been to her village after her graduation, before joining the company, she wanted to talk to her father about Siddharth’s changed behavior. But before she could bring herself to say anything, her father started praising him. He almost cried while expressing his gratitude to the boy. That shut Anuradha up.

The date was set. The place was finalized. It was going to be in her village as per her father’s wish. She invited only a few of her close friends. They once again asked her to consider her decision. In response she just smiled. Needless to say they were not happy with her decision. They didn’t believe that her marriage was going to last more than a year.

Siddharth, on the other hand, didn’t invite anybody. In fact, he didn’t have any friends left. He had somehow scraped through his final year and finished his graduation. Some believed that it was only due to the influence his uncle had in higher places. When ordinary students were made to pass under the name of ‘challenge revaluation’ which was priced at Rs. 5000/-, Siddharth was a big fish after all.

Unlike Anuradha, he was jobless. His uncle had asked him to join office and take care of some minor business. His would do so after the wedding, he had promised.

A week before the wedding, Anuradha visited Siddharth at his place, in Mysore. His housekeeper had called and told her that he was sick with fever, and that he was taking her name in his sleep, repeatedly. Though it was against their family custom to meet the groom during the final preparations, she had gone to visit him. He looked perfectly all right. When she asked him what it was all about, he replied that her presence cured his sickness. She heaved a sigh of relief and smiled. A minute later, Siddharth’s dog, a Labrador, entered his room, wagging its tail. Anuradha was fond of it and the dog showered its love on her every time she visited. An hour later she took Siddharth’s leave. Five hours later the housekeeper buried the Labrador in the backyard. Its head had been smashed with a cricket bat.

***

The big day had arrived. With festoons of flowers everywhere, the marriage hall looked grand. Siddharth had arrived the previous day with his uncle and a few distant relatives. Anuradha’s father had been made to wear suit for the first time in his life, and the old man looked happy.

Anuradha met her two girlfriends in the dressing room. When they had gone back to the main hall and taken their seats, she met Anil outside the dressing room. He had become a good friend to her during the last semester and lent his support every time she was sad due to Siddharth’s behavior. He wished her a good life and went back to the main hall.

Ten minutes later Siddharth barged into Anuradha’s dressing room. Four women that were helping her dress up left the room, leaving the couple alone. Anuradha saw him in the mirror and swiveled round.

“Why is he here?” Siddharth demanded.

“Who?”

“Anil.”

“For heavens’ sake, Siddu. We are getting married in an hour, and you still have your doubts?”

“I know your plan. I’ve seen such things in movies. You are going to run away with him, aren’t you? Don’t you ever leave me, understand?”

“Stop it, will you? Why would I do that? After all these years, after all those promises, you are talking like this?”

He kept mum.

“And please stop saying ‘Don’t you ever leave me’. Now go and get ready,” she said, caressing his cheek.

He turned and walked out without a word. It was going to be very difficult after marriage, she knew. I’m going to bring you back to normal, Siddu, she promised herself.

***

Anuradha and Siddharth tied the knot an hour later. The bride’s father heaved a sigh of relief. I can now die a peaceful death, he said to himself. The newly wedded couple departed to their dressing rooms to get ready for the reception ceremony.

Siddharth’s uncle met Anuradha in her room half an hour later.

“Listen Anu, Siddu had forgotten his camera. Our housekeeper found it under his cot and brought it. Such a careless fellow, your husband is. He’s in your hands now,” he laughed and then continued, “Anyways, he never leaves his camera behind, you know. He carries it with him everywhere. Today is a big day and he might want somebody to take pictures using his camera. I’d been to his room, but he was in the bathroom. There wasn’t anybody, so I thought of giving it to you. I have to attend some guests, all right.” He handed over the camera to her and was gone.

Anuradha stared at the camera. No one had seen or touched it since over a year; since Kodachadri. She remembered Siddharth lying about it. ‘I lost my camera last week,’ he had said. Why did he lie? She kept asking herself again and again. Am I going to find some answers to my questions in this? She turned it over, switched it on and started browsing the pictures.

They were just normal pictures about four boys having a nice time, trekking in the forest of Kodachadri. She smiled. Oh, Siddu, you were so nice back then. What has happened to you now? What is it that changed you? A drop of tear tricked down her cheek as she continued to browse the photos. And then the screen went blank. There was nothing. The photo count on the top right corner of the LCD screen said 101/143. She continued scrolling. This time she could see trees, faintly. 115/143. Why has he taken so many pictures of trees in the night? It wouldn’t even qualify as photography. It was just random clicking in all possible directions. She knitted her brows in confusion and scrolled on. 140/143. Same thing. 141/143, 142/143, and then she saw it and dropped the camera to the floor, horrified.

Before she could regain her senses, someone slapped her hard across her face.

“How dare you touch my camera?” Siddharth was yelling. “That stupid uncle of mine! Damn it. He couldn’t wait until I came out of the bathroom.”

“Wh…what was that, Siddu?” she mumbled.

“It’s none of your business, you bloody whore,” he hollered and pushed her with great force.

Anuradha reeled back, losing balance, and banged her head against the edge of her dressing table and fell down on the floor.

“Now get ready for the reception. Everybody is waiting for us,” he cried as he picked up his camera. “Don’t you dare mention this to anyone.”

He stormed out of the room, shutting the door behind him.

***

Twenty minutes later Siddharth walked onto the stage along with Anuradha and stood in front of the decorated chairs. A love song from an old Kannada movie was being played in the background. Everyone in the hall was waiting for his turn to go on the stage and wish the newly married couple, give their presents and take pictures.

Siddharth smiled at them and turned to his wife. Her head was still bleeding.

“Couldn’t you do something about it?” he said, took out his hanky and wiped the blood. Siddharth’s uncle was standing a few feet away from him, talking to some friends. But Anuradha’s father was nowhere to be seen.

“Where is your old man, Anu?” he asked.

“The last time I saw him, he was busy, crying. Now I think he’s busy, making arrangements for the funeral,” she replied, nonchalantly.

“Whose funeral? Who died?”

Before she could answer his question, his uncle approached him hurriedly and said, “Where is Anuradha, Siddu? Why are you standing alone?”

“What?” he cried in utter disbelief. “She is right he –.” He turned to look at her.

“Of course I am right here, Siddu,” Anuradha said, holding his hands, “I will never leave you, I promise.”

Siddharth stared at her in horror and shuddered. A moment later he collapsed on the chair.

A song that they had so lovingly written together a few years earlier remained unsung. Life, they say, is a beautiful Seductress. But then, beautiful Seductresses have mood swings too.

********************The End********************

Copyright © Karthik 2011