spoon

Our Matho-English Professor

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Professor Rudrappa (name not changed) was our Mathematics professor, but how wrong we were! He was in fact our Matho-English Professor, for he was not only good at Math, but also English. Or should I say Kanglish? – A mixture of Kannada and English. Nevertheless, we improved our language in his company.

He was also the warden of Boys’ Hostel. Being a strict and responsible person he once randomly chose a first year students’ room in the hostel at eight in the evening, on the first day of college. Upon making a heroic entry into the room he asked the boys their good names: Ramesh, Shashank and Praveen. He gave them some sage advice, like he did every year, and took their leave.

The next day in the class, to his surprise and also the boy’s, Praveen was in his class. He recognized the boy from his previous day’s encounter and nodded at him, as if telling, “I’m watching you.” Well, the class got over, and so did the college, a couple of hours later.

That evening Professor Rudr went to the same room at the same time, only to realize that Praveen, his humble student, was missing. Upon asking, his roomies told him that he had gone out. Professor Rudr made a mental note of it.

The next day in the class, while the attendance was being taken, our poor Praveen was sitting silently, waiting for his name to be called. But what he didn’t know then was that he’d be going down in the history of Professor Rudr’s histrionics.

A moment later his name was called and he promptly said, “Present, Sir.” Everything was all right till now. And then the bomb was dropped!

Our dear Matho-English Professor asked Praveen regarding his absence from his room the previous evening, “What Praveen? I come to your room yesterday. You only come for first night and don’t come for second night. This is bad. Why is that? Where are you?”

Needless to say, the entire class was in fits of laughter. And none stopped laughing for the next ten minutes. This reminds me of one thing. When Swami Vivekananda said, “Brothers and sisters of America,” the whole crowd clapped continuously for two minutes. And now, when Professor Rudr said those beautiful words, the whole class laughed continuously for ten minutes. Tell me, tell me, who’s greater?

Well, it was just the beginning.

***

He was taking class on a boring afternoon and we dudes were talking. The Professor noticed us and said, pointing to one boy in particular, “Hey, you. Stand up, I say.”

A boy in the third bench stood up and asked, “Me, sir?”

Our English Pundit said, gesticulating, “Not me. Behind me.”

The class roared with laughter. During that particular moment, our College Principal passed through the corridor. Professor Rudr dear was quick to add “Shhh… Don’t make sounds. Principal just passed away.”

And the sound of our laughter soared higher and higher.

***

Diwali came and we had holidays for three days, starting from the next day. That evening, after college, my two friends and I met with our Professor in the parking area. We lovingly said, “Happy Diwali, sir.”

To which he lovingly replied, “Vice versa.”

We really didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. So we didn’t do anything.

***

He hadn’t taken class the previous day. On the present day, soon after taking attendance, he said, “I can’t come to class yesterday, because I was went to mud-making.” After that he carried on with his lecture.

His bad grammar didn’t amuse us that much, as we’d already got accustomed to it. But one thing that haunted us like never before was the term he used, ‘mud-making’. We scratched our heads, we scratched our chests, but we couldn’t figure out the meaning of this new phrase. We couldn’t even concentrate on the lecture, for our minds were occupied with ‘mud-making’.

After about an hour, when the professor was gone, one of my friends shouted at the top of his voice, “Eureka, eureka, eureka!”

He was now being surrounded by six or seven of us. He was beaming with pride. He kept smiling. I tapped his head and said, “Are you going to say anything?”

“Dudes, do you know what he meant by ‘mud-making’?”

None of us answered.

He said, “He meant funeral, dudes, funeral. You know, the ceremony of burying the body in the ground, and performing one’s last rites.”

Good heavens!

Some boys pulled their hair, and some fainted.

Our loving Professor had effectively translated the Kannada euphemism for funeral and told us – ‘mud-making’.

***

I was sitting next to the window in the class one day, and it was unbearably hot. I had just taken my seat, and the windows were still closed. Professor Rudr told me as soon he entered the class, “Karthik, open the windows, please. Let the air-force come in.”

Ah, was I amazed?!

This was still ok to a certain extent. But on another day, he said to a girl, who was sitting next to the window. He didn’t say air-force this time, but simply said, “Archana, please open the top.” The postfix was dropped.

No comments.

***

A few boys and two girls had not done their assignment, and they were all made to stand up. He didn’t say much to boys, as he perfectly knew it was useless. But what angered him was the fact that even girls had failed to write the assignments.

The girls were standing, with their heads down.

He said, “Look at you. Shameless girls. Why you didn’t did assignments, I say?”

“Sir, I had been to …” started one girl.

“Don’t give me reasons. Boys are always like this, I know. But what happened to you? I have seen many girls in my life, including my daughters, who are also girls. But I have never seen girls like you two.”

The girls couldn’t control their emotions and started laughing hysterically. It angered him very much.

“Pack your luggage and get out of my class,” he cried.

More laughter.

“You are still laughing? Get out. No attendance for you today.”

The girls silently packed their bags and headed towards the door.

“And one more thing,” the Professor said, “I know what you will do outside. I have seen you many times understanding the tree and talking. If I see you understanding the tree again, I will never enter you in my class.”

The girls didn’t say anything, for all they wanted to do was go outside and laugh. They simply said, “Yes, sir,” and scuttled away.

Professor Rudr had done it once again.

***

A few hostel boys complained the Professor-cum-warden that the hostel food was not all right, as they had found some minute stone particles in rice. ‘Stones’ was the term used in Kannada.

The Professor took it to his heart and decided to taste the food himself. So he sat with some boys in the dining hall, for lunch. The food was served, but unfortunately he didn’t find anything wrong with the food.

He finished his lunch, stood up from his place, and asked everyone in the dining hall, at the top of his voice, “Did anybody found rocks in rice?”

Some laughed hard, some sniggered, some banged their heads against the table, and some looked flummoxed. But whatever they did, they didn’t answer the question, as they thought that consuming ‘rocks’ along with rice was better than consuming Professor Rudr’s English.

Such was the beauty of his language!

Hope you all yanjaaayed.

Copyright © Karthik 2010


Comments (36)

Wow! that was an awesome treat to read on a Sunday afternoon :)
I can imagine how eagerly each one of you must have waited for his class to get a scoop of his Matho-English :)

Brilliant post Karthik, can't stop laughing....am off to read it once again.

Cheers!!

Karthik,

I really thought it was a post of admiration for a Math prof who 'actually spoke English well!' :D A few lines in the post, and I knew I was wrong. Hilarious, enjoyed it!!! :D :D

I am reminded of a man called Jeppiar who is the head of a group of colleges in Chennai. Emails about his English have been doing the rounds for years now.

And by the way in the expression 'sage advices' 'advices' should be changed to 'advice'. It is a mass noun like 'information' and does not have a plural.

Cheers!

I njoiiied :P :P

Nice :) Every other "prof" is like this in my part of the world :P

nice...

mannu-madodu..."mud making" was hillarious... so was the "Vice versa"

great saar!!

I yensaaid :D
ALso, one incident that happened in school.. When my math teacher was scolding a student while he just walked out she screamed.."ai.. here i'm going on talking, you are going on going" :D :D

CB,
Thanks a lot, CB. Thanks a lot, CB. :)
And yeah, we rarely missed his classes. Each session taught us something new, you see. :D

Srini,
Hahaha.... :D Thank you very much, Srini. So glad you enjoyed it. :)

Would like to know more about Jeppiar. Mail them to me, will you? :D

And I've corrected the mistake. Thanks for pointing it out. :))

Anwesa,
Welcome to Eloquence Redefined.
Thanks a bunch. :)
Every other prof is like this in your part of the world? That must be one helluva fun then, huh? :D
Happy you enjoyed reading. Keep visiting.

your this post is very close to my heart and you know why right? :D

it was so much fun reading it all over again :)))

ROFL.... god this is so funny :P
You guys must have had a ball of time in his classes :)

hey this is way toooo hilarious :P and you shouldn't miss you tube videos about JEPPIAR :) :)

Hilarious!!!

Ur posts are never boring...U write it the third time...still it'd be as hilarious as ever!!

Keep up the good work!!
I'm waiting for the new posts still..It's been really long yaar!!

hahha...there people with wierd vernacs all over...I mean I remember our heat transfer prof who would have weird pronunciations...my bio teacher in school....there are so many...this just reminded me of them

Nice post buddy!!!

Great post!! I can't stop laughing!!

OMG ROFL.....I actually burst out laughing while going through a few of the portions from this post.

that consuming ‘rocks’ along with rice was better than consuming Professor Rudr’s English.-I can soo relate to their feelings.
*sigh* I wish we had a teacher like that in our college.At least that woulda madethe dull lessons a li'l more interesting.
Awesome post!

Hilarious...Your professor has given you folks more entertainment than knowledge...

Mud-making ---I immediately got what it was :-P And vice-versa...lol!!

"Open the top" errrrr....oh my god!! Hilarious!

Awesome Karthik

Hahahahahahahaha!!!

Well, you folks should remember him as someone who made you laugh... if not for his 'knowledge' of english and maths :)

What a great source of entertainment!

reminded me of my MAths teacher Mr Brito.. he was from south india
so yen = yex

but he was damn goood ...

Sujith,
Long time no see!!
Thanks man. Glad you enjoyed it.
Yeah, mannu-madodu was the heights. :D

Vibushan,
Haha.. lol.. :D That's hilarious. "I'm going on talking and you are going on going.."
You must've had one helluva fun, eh?
Thanks, man. Glad you liked it.

Neha,
Oh, yes, I know. How could I not know? :) It was great being a part of your blog. :))

Shilpa,
Welcome to Eloquence Redefined.
Well, yeah, you've no idea how much fun it was. These are just a few glimpses, the famous ones. :)
So glad you enjoyed it. Keep visiting.

Meow,
Thanks a lot, meow. ;)
And this Jeppiar seems to be very famous. Will certainly check it out.

Jaunty,
Whoa! You read it again? And still found it interesting? That's a huuuge compliment really. Thenk you thenk you! :D

Keeping a li'l busy, yaar. Will write something soon. :))

Shahid,
Thanks a lot, man. :)
You could relate to this post, eh? You are right. Profs like Rudr are there everywhere, and they make classes more interesting.

Raghu,
Thank you so much, Raghu. Glad you enjoyed it.

The Sleepless Dreamer,
Whoa! Nice new name. But too lengthy, yaar. I like Sammy better. :D
Thank you so much. Happy you enjoyed reading. By the way, you don't have anyone like this there? Strange. I thought they were everywhere. :P

Insignia,
Hehehe... :D He's given us both actually, but more on the language front. :P
Thank you. Glad you enjoyed reading. :)

Roshmi,
Oh yeah, he'll always be remembered, more for his language, than for his knowledge. Tremendous entertainment.
Happy you enjoyed it. :))

Bikramjit,
I'm sure there are many like this. :D
Glad to know you could relate to this. :)

Haha!! That was funny as hell!! :)
Made my day today! :)

Didn't you post this earlier too?

Wow wow wow ..this is d 1st post which made me laugh until my tummy ached ! Kudos to ur teacher to made so many hearts smile , with his words , its a tuff job u c :P and you words have only made it more humorous :)

Reading this the second time and it was as amusing as the first! I mean, hats off to your professor! :D

Preeti,
Thanks a lot, Preeti. Glad you enjoyed. :)

The Holy Lama,
Yeah, it was on Neha's blog the first time. Now I published it on my space.

adreamygal,
Thank you. So happy to know you enjoyed it that much. :)

Destiny's child,
Thank you so much, DC. :)
And yeah, hats-off to him. :D

That was hilarious. Was this professor real? I her lot of funny professor stories but unfortunately or fortunately never encountered one.

The Fool,
Oh, yes, of course he was for real. I didn't make this up. :D
You've never encountered anyone? I thought they were everywhere.
Thanks, man. Hope you enjoyed it. :)

Yenjawyed reading the post!

My heart goes out to "Mud-making". Goodness me what would all the people do if someone out there asked him to translate "nanu ninnanu preethi maduthene"! LOL :-D That would be unimaginable.

I have heard of these nuggets before. Now I can put them all in perspective! :-D A post that could lighten up the mood on a gloomy, rainy afternoon. :-)

Cheers!

amazingly funny...believe it or not..I myself have experienced all those one-liners..there was one Swami Sir..he often used to say "You talk, I kneel down" and "I'l give you remark in my calendar!"
Cheers!

RGB,
Welcome to Eloquence Redefined.
Glad you yanjaayed it. Keep visiting. :)

Vitty,
Mud-making is the heights, isn't it? Nothing beats it. :D
That translation is simple, man: "I you love do." Lol..
Thanks a lot, Vitty. Glad you enjoyed it. :)

Umesh,
"You talk, I kneel down." Lol.. :D That's insanely funny. You must've had tremendous fun, eh? ;)
Thanks, Umesh. Good to know you enjoyed reading. :)

This was hilarious Karthik!
I waas reminded of my Math teacher who was a bong and not very good at English but was an absolute sweet heart. I remember her saying once - "See girls, I am on the board." And once when during surprise inspection of classrooms,a glass was found in a girl's desk,our teacher had lost her temper and agitatedly she said, "What is wrong with you girls, is glass the place to keep the desk inside?"

grace,
hahahahha... lol.. :D Your math teacher sounds funnier than mine. :D
Awesome!

Thank you so much, grace. So glad you enjoyed reading it. Long time. Hope everything is going fine. :))

wonderfull article... it was really funny.. i like the "mud-making" term. Is this real or fiction story?

Kanchana,
Welcome to Eloquence Redefined.
Thank you so much. Glad you liked it. "Mud-making" is my favourite too. :)
And yes; this IS real. ;)

mst have been one hell of a fellow :P

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