A week ago I got the opportunity to watch a few episodes of ‘Byomkesh Bakshi,’ a TV serial that used to come in the early 90s. And boy was I rejuvenated? Certainly! I even got nostalgic since it brought back memories of my childhood. The opening music of the show (which still haunts me), the simple yet brilliant plots, dhoti clad Rajit Kapoor, his intelligence in solving cases, his dumb partner, and above all the show’s simplicity made it extremely loveable.
This was a time when we didn’t have cable connection; Doordarshan 1 was the only channel. Apart from Byomkesh Bakshi, we also had 'Malgudi Days,' Shekhar Suman’s ‘Reporter’ and ‘Dekh Bhai Dekh,’ and not to mention the silly yet entertaining ‘Chandrakanta’ and ‘Alif Laila.’ Doordarshan 1 also showed the generosity of telecasting US TV shows ‘Street Hawk’ and ‘Knight Rider.’
It was really a pleasure watching these shows. Apart from mere entertainment, they had some CONTENT in them.
Fast forward 15 years and all we see on TV are Rakhi ‘Silicone’ Sawant and her disciples at their best bestial behavior. Channels are loaded with such mindless crap. To name a few: Rakhi Sawant ka Swayamwar, MTV Roadies, MTV Splits villa, Big Boss, and the latest Sach Ka Samna and Iss Jungle Se Mujhe Bachao.
I’ve always believed that we humans have brains in our heads, but after watching these shows, I’m now forced to believe that there are some men out there whose brains are situated below their waists and women, below their necks. And voila! Everyone is desperately trying to prove that they are very brainy. So welcome them. Here come the brainiest people on earth!
These are the kinds of shows where you won’t find anything except the bitch fights. The topic everywhere seems to be the same: Who is the biggest bitch of the lot? And every girl tries her level best to prove that she is the one. ‘I’m the biggest bitch,’ yells one, to which the other responds, ‘You could be a bitch, but I’m a bitchy bitch.’ Another girl shouts at the top of her voice, ‘You both could be bitches, but I’m a bitchy whore.’ Another female is hell bent on proving her mettle, and screams, ‘Perhaps you don’t know me. You all could be bitches and whores, but I’m a bitchy whore with a slutty attitude.’ Now beat that. Well, no prizes for guessing. The last one is the winner! She gets the prize from the producers of the show and the TV viewer is mercilessly raped in the head. Do heads swell up after a few weeks? Sorry, guys! I haven’t any experience, for I’ve always taken care of my ‘izzat’ very well.
The following is a transcript of the conversation between Sambhavi and Ankita, the participants of MTV Roadies 5.0. This uncensored footage was leaked on You Tube before it was aired. Now don’t go searching for it, for it has already been removed.
Ankita: I’m not a f***ng slut like you, yaar. And I don’t need to sleep my way into the show... Mere baap ki condom ki dukaan nahin hai. Tere baap ki hogi…samjhi?
Shambhavi: Uski hai… uski Ayaaz...
Ankita: I saw Nihal’s hand inside your T-shirt, fu**ing you ask me…
Sambhavi: F##k off! (Arguing about a previous task where the boys were made to strip if the girls got GK answers wrong)
Ankita: Tera banda to sabse pehle nanga hua tha…mera baad mein nanga hua tha. Tu sabse pehle baith gayi thi. Tu toh khud hi nangi hone ko taiyaar hai sa**li ra**d, bolti kya hai mujhe… (inaudible)
Shambhavi: My mom is not a (inaudible)… She’s not a bitch
Ankita: My mom…?? When you said the stuff about what… I slept with Vikrant, what about my parents? Didn’t you think about that?
While this is going on, the boys watch them mutely as if thinking, ‘Who has a bigger mouth and who is the bigger bitch?’ After a few minutes of analyzing, he zeroes in on one. ‘Ok, she is the one and she is the perfect match for me. Why? Because, I am the biggest dog. Simple.’
Well, this might not be new to anybody who is reading this post, but I mentioned it only to remind you, just in case you are in a trance. If there are some Roadies fans here who claim that it’s all about adventure, I have news for you. Recently a 19 yr old girl, Krushnaa Patil, from Pune climbed the
Now coming back to the topic of discussion:
It’s the same case with Splits Villa and Big Boss and Iss Jungle Se Mujhe Bachao. These things really don’t make any sense to me. I mean why the hell does anyone wants to see what happens in a Big Boss house? All you see are the conversations between the housemates regarding groceries and some crap; gossips and some emosional attyachar (I once committed a sin by watching a few minutes of an episode in which Monica Bedi cried and explained about her amazing adventures with Abu Salem. I literally fell sick after watching it and trust me, I had to consume two bottles of Dabur Chavanprash to get back to my normal health. In fact I do it every time I watch such things). And what a welcome did Shilpa Shetty get when she returned to
Talking about the most recent happenings, what the heck is all about Rakhi Sawant’s Swayamwar? Gosh! Is she trying to prove that she is a woman after all? Again, why does anyone should give a damn about her marriage? And why does the media blow it up as if she has brought name and fame to the country? Is it really that important? Now to put an icing on this stale cake, the show’s second season is coming up where Rakhi and Elesh Parujanwala (who has just been crowned as ‘the biggest dumb ass in the world’) are supposed to play Mother and Father to a child. Here is what Rakhi ‘I love to rape English’ Sawant has to say:
"I've a migraine problem. When a child cries, I get a severe headache. I don't know how I'll manage for a month with a stranger’s child. On top of that, I've to cook on the show. I can't cook to save my life.”
Ask her how she will cope when she has her own kids and Rakhi replies, "Apna bacchhaa to har koi paal leta hai, jaanwar bhi. I don't know how I'll cope. I think I'm going to lose my cool completely. So far people have only seen the good Rakhi Sawant. Now they'll see the real me. I can't even use makeup. Can you imagine Rakhi Sawant without makeup?"
Dabur Chavanprash, anyone? Gosh! Was Lord Brahma suffering from Swine Flu when he created her?!
Now, are the producers of ‘Iss Jungle Se Mujhe Bachao’ under the impression that their show is as good as the American TV series ‘Lost?’ Who are they kidding?
Talking about this show, this is what Chitrashi ‘Chak De’ Rawat, one of the junglees, has to say:
“I don’t understand why people are making a big issue out of it. Any damn channel you see is showing skin show and objectionable content, why target reality shows? What if they are showing people bathing, they are actually living that life. You don’t expect them to wear jeans and pants while taking a bath. They can’t help it; they are staying in a dirty jungle day and night. As far as use of abusive language goes, you tend to lose temper at times. I think a ‘beep’ should suffice. No big deal”
Dudes and dudettes, what shall we say to this? Chak De?!
Ok, sweetie. If you really want to show us how you bathe, why don’t you tape it and send it to us directly? We shall give you our address. If this is not a good idea, why don’t you simply upload it on You Tube? I’m sure that will make you famous and you’ll be famously called as Chitrashi Hilton. What say? And about losing temper and using abusive language; a beep would suffice, huh? Is there anything left to imagine? Do you think people would imagine the word ‘Luck’ whenever they hear a beep? Crazy immature bimbo! Grow up!
(On the contrary, I do agree that we get to see some ravishing babes in these kinds of shows, but their worst misdemeanours subjugate their beauty. And when do these moronic producers understand that if we really want to watch babes and not the show, we guys prefer Monica Bellucci or Megan Fox to Monica Bedi, and Salma Hayek to Shweta Tiwari? The day they realize this, trust me, they will start making some spectacular shows like Prison Break and 24. Oh, I’m being too optimistic, ain’t I? Too bad, you say? Sorry, it’s a childhood problem)
‘Satyameva Jayate.’ This is the caption for ‘Sach Ka Samna.’ The biggest joke on the face of the earth! Tell me, do we really want to know who is sleeping with whom? (Not to mention the number and the names associated with it) Do we really want to know whether Urvashi Dholakia was thrown out of the college because she became pregnant? Do we really want to know whether some retard middle aged aunty wants to have an extra marital affair? Don’t you think this is really outrageous?
And every time a moron gives some awfully irritating and embarrassing answer, Rajeev Khandelwal’s expression is like, ‘This is one crazy family, dude,’ or ‘Thank God, I’m the host and not the participant.’
When a participant admits to some hard facts, their family members’ expression is like, ‘What the ‘beep?’ If they really are so courageous and value the truth, why didn’t they say it to their family members before? Why do they have to do it on TV? And above all, why the hell do we want such shows? Are we in the right state of mind?
Let me not continue the discussion on Sach Ka Samna, for I’m afraid it’s going to be lengthier than Draupadi’s sari.
One of the primary reasons that prompted me to write this article is a little incident that happened a few days ago. I had been to one of my friends’ house. There I met his niece who was around 9-11 yrs old. She was lovely! I was having a heavenly time chatting with that cutie pie, and during the conversation I casually asked her what her favourite TV show was, to which she replied ‘Roadies.’ I was already getting worried when she dropped another bomb, “I also quite like the new show ‘Iss Jungle Se Mujhe Bachao.’ You know, they make them do so many crazy crazy things,” and started giggling. The way she said was damn cute, but what she said was definitely not. I was sick to my stomach. We certainly don’t want young kids to watch them, do we? Don’t you think kids are losing their innocence nowadays?
‘Fuck’ has become a synonym to ‘Attitude,’ courtesy is no longer considered as a good quality, but a weakness; good manners are out of fashion. TV is no longer considered as a means of getting news and entertainment. It’s all about reality now. Real fights, real back stabbings, real use of profanity, real bitching, real skin, real vulgarity, and real gratuitous violence. The centre of attraction of these shows is misbehavior and cruelty of participants. The issue of ‘Sach Ka Samna’ was taken up in Rajya Sahba recently and some MPs wanted to put a ban on it and took it to High Court, but the HC dismissed the petitions challenging its telecast and said, “Don’t like Sach Ka Samna? Then don’t watch.” HC can’t be blamed, of course. Putting a ban on it could be a violation of the Right to Speech and an assault on the freedom of media. No matter how much we rant about it, we cannot stop them from making such shows. It’s our responsibility to decide what to see and what not to see.
Under IPC section 376, whoever commits rape shall be imprisoned for not less than 7 years. Now tell me, is there any section under which the people are punished for raping the minds of younger generation?
It’s time to introspect, fellas. We may not be able to stop them, but at least let’s stop encouraging them.
Perhaps this is the real moment of truth. What say?
P.S. Instead of watching ‘Iss Jungle se crap,’ start downloading all the episodes from ‘Lost.’ There are babes, there is mystery, and there is lot of thrill and tension. Or better; watch Man vs. Wild on Discovery. It’s definitely worth it.
Copyright © Karthik 2009